


You Keep Me Up

by swv



Series: And You Thought That I’d Leave You [5]
Category: Blink-182
Genre: Alternate Universe, Consent Issues, M/M, No Sex, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-10-29 06:04:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17802428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swv/pseuds/swv
Summary: Matt finally introduces Tom to his mom and all that follows.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I think I need to clarify some things from the start.  
> First off, if you have experienced rape or other similar traumas you need to stop reading here and think about if you really want to read this. It could be triggering and I can’t tell you to read or not to read, you need to think about if you can handle a possible trigger. What I can say is that there won’t be a rape scene in this fic.
> 
> Secondly, this is not how I feel about these characters. I see a lot of fics glorifying rape on this site (not this fandom, thank God!) and I wanted to write something that talks about these issues without glorifying it.
> 
> This is not to be reflected on the people that these characters are built after.
> 
> Also, I don’t own anyone and these characters are just that – characters. Not to be confused with real people.
> 
> Thanks to F for beta reading this and talking me down from just deleting it all. Like, every single day since I started writing this... And several times a day since I finished it...
> 
>  
> 
> This is for L.

It was a cold and rainy night, but the moon somehow cast a cold glow from between the clouds, reflecting in Matt’s eyes as the two of them walked to the house of Matt’s mother. Matt was looking nervous and before they left home he had told Tom all the things that they would have to lie about. It wasn’t really a problem for Tom, but Matt seemed to be distressed about it.

 

Matt looked really pretty today, not like when he dressed up for Tom but in an effortless way. Tom couldn’t help but smile at the way his boyfriend nervously bit his lip. And then Matt cast one last glance at him before opening the front door.

 

Tom had just remove his coat when Matt’s mom showed up in the doorway and smiled at them. Tom smiled back and kissed her cheek, giving her a bouquet of flowers he had brought with him.

 

“Hi, I’m Tom, Matt’s boyfriend.” He said and observed the short woman before him. Her blond, short hair had strands of gray, but he recognized Matt in her blue eyes that smiled at him as she took his hands in hers. Even the blush that spread over her cheeks reminded him of Matt.

 

“How nice to meet you Tom.” She said genuinely and looked at the flowers. “I’m Matt’s mom.” Her laugh was contagious, just like Matt’s, and Tom found that he liked the woman. “So good to see you, honey.” She said and hugged Matt warmly. “And it was about time that you let me meet you man properly.

 

Tom turned to look at Matt beside him and couldn’t help but feel pleased with himself when he saw how Matt seemed to relax. He hoped he had managed to dispel some of Matt’s worries and he couldn’t help but put his hand on Matt’s lower back. The warmth radiating from Matt’s skin through his shirt spread out in Tom’s palm and almost made him forget where they were and pull Matt close to himself.

 

“Sorry I didn’t introduce you before we moved in together.” Matt smiled up at him and leaned a bit closer to him. Tom took the opportunity to slide his arm fully around Matt and hug him to himself, planting a soft kiss on the top of his head.

 

“Don’t worry about it, you’re here now and Tom seems absolutely charming.” Matt’s mom smiled before ushering them into the living room. “Do you want something to drink before dinner?”

 

“I’m good.” Tom responded quickly. “I’m driving, but maybe Matt…?” He searched for Matt’s eyes as he sat down in one of the couches in the living room.

 

Matt shook his head at his mom’s inquiries as he sat down next to Tom and cuddled up under Tom’s arm. Tom felt proud that Matt was so comfortable with him in front of his mom.

 

The room had two couches in an angle from each other, a larger and a smaller, just as he remembered it from last time he was there. There wasn’t much that had changed since that time, but the empty spaces in the bookshelf left by her husband had been filled with new books and records.

 

“Are the girls here?” Matt asked and turned to his mother.

 

“No, they’re out, but maybe they’ll be back before you leave.” She looked at her watch. “Dinner will be ready shortly, but I would like to get to know Tom a bit more. Where are you from?”

 

Tom exchanged a look with Matt to reassure him that he got this before turning to the woman again with his most charming smile. “Oh, I’m from California, but I’ve lived here since I left high school.”

 

“Are your parents here as well or do they live back in California?” She turned to Matt with a big smile. “Wouldn’t it be nice to go there and visit them?”

 

“I’m sorry, but they’re dead.” Tom said, only a half lie. They had cut him out from their life when he got into one to many troubles back home, so they were dead to him at least. “But I have a summer house back there from my childhood and would be happy to take you all there some time.” Again, only partly a lie; it was Travis childhood summerhouse, but he was sure he could borrow it if he put in a few more hours at work.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry...”

 

“Don’t be.” Tom interrupted her with a soothing smile. “It was a long time ago and I only have happy memories of them.” Okay, that was a big lie but it was worth it when Matt twirled their fingers together as comfort. Tom realized that Matt didn’t know that this was a lie and he made a mental note to tell Matt all about his family later.

 

“So, what do you do for a living, Tom?” Matt’s mom asked after a short pause, no doubt trying to smooth over the earlier question.

 

He could feel Matt tense up next to him, he was probably remembering it himself and Tom felt a sting of guilt that his work was distressing Matt. He had promised to slow down and start school again, but Travis didn’t let him go. Okay, now he was lying to himself too, he just didn’t want to quit. He wanted to be with Matt and make him happy, but he also liked the easy money and working with his friends. And he _needed_ the money to make Matt happy.

 

This was the big lie that Matt had been most worried about and he had thought out an answer beforehand, but he was a bit nervous that Matt wouldn’t like his answers. “I work as a manager at a restaurant.” Travis had a bunch of them all around the city as a front for the real business. If Matt’s mom wanted to see the restaurant he could easily talk to Travis about it. “You should let me take you to dinner, my treat.”

 

He felt how tense Matt was next to him and pulled him close, with a last smile at the woman in the other couch. Matt turned to him with a question in his eyes and Tom wished that he could tell Matt all about it, but it would have to wait until they were alone.

 

“That’s nice, but your work hours must be horrible?” Matt’s mom asked curiously.

 

Tom smiled at Matt instead, not looking away from him as he answered. “Sometimes, but since I met Matt I try to not work evenings to be with him when he gets home from school.”

 

Matt’s mom was about to say something else, but then an alarm went off somewhere and she got up. “That’s dinner, I’ll just go put the finishing touch to it and then you’re welcome to the dining room.”

 

As Matt’s mom left them, Tom turned fully to Matt and pulled him into a hug. “See, that went well.” He kissed Matt and felt Matt relax into his arms.

 

“Where did you get that about the restaurant from?” Matt asked as he pulled away from the kiss.

 

Tom looked towards the door to make sure they were alone before telling Matt. “It’s a front for Travis business, he’s got a bunch of them and pays me through it so I should be on some payroll there. Thought I should have a job that can be confirmed if she starts to wonder.”

 

Matt paled at the information and Tom pulled him into another kiss to chase away his worries, but this time Matt didn’t relax against him. Instead he pulled away and got up. “Let’s go, mom’s probably waiting.”

 

“Matt?” He took Matt’s hand to keep him from leaving and Matt met his eyes. “Are you mad?”

 

Matt sighed and Tom got up to pull them together. “No, I just don’t like to think about that part of your life.” Tom was about to say something, but Matt put a finger against his lips and smiled a thin smile. “I just wish the life we have together would be enough for you.”

 

“Boys, dinner’s ready.”

 

And Matt walked out of the living room. Tom felt the sting of Matt’s words, but couldn’t make him understand just how important he was to Tom at this point; not when Matt’s mom was in the next room and waiting for them. He put on his best poker face and walked into the dinning room, determined to make Matt understand later.

 

He took a seat next to Matt and let his hand find Matt’s thigh while Matt’s mom served them of the food. Matt pushed at Tom’s hand, but he didn’t move away and gave Matt a quick smile. He would make him understand later.

 

“This looks delicious, what is it?” Tom asked Matt’s mom instead of answering the look Matt gave him.

 

“Oh, it’s a vegan casserole and there’s steak if you’re not a vegan like Matt?”

 

Tom squeezed Matt's thigh one last time, heard Matt gasp softly next to him, before putting his hands on the edge of the table. “I would love some. Since Matt moved in I don't get to eat too much meat anymore.”

 

Matt's mom smiled and placed his plate in front of him. “But don't you eat meat at the restaurant?” She asked.

 

“Of course, but it's something special about a home cooked steak, isn't it?”

 

“I guess you’re right.” She said as she sat down across the table from them and gave Matt a pointed look that he didn’t seem to pay any attention to.

 

The dinner passed rather pleasantly after that. Tom had told funny little stories from growing up in California and Matt’s mom had seemed entertained enough, but Matt had been unusually quiet during the dinner. Barely looking at him and just poking around in his food.

 

As soon as the dinner was over and Matt’s mom disappeared into the kitchen, Tom took Matt’s hand and pulled him with him down the hall towards his old bedroom. The first time he had been there he had explored the house, while Mark had been busy beating the crap out of Matt’s stepfather, and he had found what had to be Matt’s childhood room. The room was filled with punk posters and airplane models – everything you could expect to find in the room where a little boy grew up to be a young man.

 

Now he wanted to make Matt understand how important he was to Tom, how much he loved him and needed him. When he pulled Matt with him down the hallway he couldn’t keep his hands to himself any longer. He pulled Matt to his chest, let his one hand snake down his back to his back-pocket, cupping his ass in one hand and tilting Matt’s face to kiss him with the other. Matt stiffened in his arms and when Tom tried to deepen the kiss Matt broke loose, backing away a couple of steps.

 

“Come on, Tom, not now.” He murmured and looked over his shoulder, no doubt looking for his mom. Tom wasn’t gonna let him get away though, he needed to show Matt how important he was to him. He needed Matt, and he needed Matt to understand that.

 

He followed Matt until he had him pressed up against the wall in the hallway, kissing down his neck and took a strong hold around his waist. “I want you, baby. I need to make you understand all that I feel about you. Come on, it won’t take a minute.” He felt how Matt pushed at him, but Matt didn’t protest anymore and he let his hand travel over the skin of Matt’s lower back until his boyfriend got out from under him and walked away in a brisk pace without turning to look at him.

 

Tom sighed and leaned against the wall that Matt had just occupied. He was frustrated with how Matt always wanted things his way, how he never met Tom halfway. Tom felt like he always was the one to change in this relationship, from his work to who his friends were. But remembering where they were he put on a mask, hid his feelings behind a pleasant smile. He could talk to Matt about this later.

 

When he got out to the living room he saw Matt curl up in the smaller couch with his mom and Tom made sure to leave room for Matt to come and sit with him in the bigger couch. Matt however didn’t spare him a look, all turned up in his mom and the conversation they seemed to have about his sisters. Tom made damn sure he looked more relaxed than he felt and waited until they could talk.

 

After the dinner it didn’t take long until they said their goodbyes and walked out to Tom’s car. The drive home was completely silent.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The trigger warning from the first chapter is still relevant in this chapter.

Tom had parked the car outside their apartment after that horrible dinner at Matt’s mom’s and threw the car keys into Matt’s lap before he left. Matt was left alone in the car and he was relieved that Tom didn’t want to get into the thick of things right then. He was fucking tired and not sure that he could handle a fight right at that moment.

 

He took a moment to just breathe before he left the car and followed Tom into the apartment. As he closed the front door after himself an eerie calm had settled in their apartment. Tom was nowhere to be seen and Matt found himself standing in the hall and holding his breath, waiting for Tom to do something to give away what kind of mood he was in. Had he gone to bed or was he waiting just down the hall to give him a piece of his mind? Matt knew that a confrontation was inevitable, but he needed time to just think about tonight before he could talk about it.

 

A bang was heard from the bedroom, quickly followed by another, like Tom was kicking at stuff. Matt felt his shoulders tense and scurried away to the kitchen, hoping that Tom would calm down before they would talk. Instead Matt took his time to make coffee, a routine that calmed him down and distracted him.

 

The apartment fell silent and soon Matt _felt_ Tom’s eyes on his back, he could just imagine the stare; unblinking and hard. The look from their first meeting – it always had him shudder. So he focused on the coffee, trying to shut Tom out of his mind the best he could.

 

“What the hell was that even?” Tom’s voice was hard, cold – like a slap that had Matt grip the counter until his knuckles turned white. He felt himself tremble as the last wall fell away and he was flooded with feelings.

 

He turned to Tom, saw his irritated face and Matt just couldn’t anymore. He wasn’t taking this shit. “Excuse me? What did _I_ do? Maybe we should talk about what _you_ did?”

 

Confusion mixed with rage in Tom’s face and Matt saw him clench and unclench his fists rhythmical. “What the fuck are you talking about? You were the one acting like a little bitch.”

 

The words felt like a slap and Matt had to lean against the counter to get the strength to stand up against Tom’s anger. He felt his breath coming in short and his face heat under the unforgiving stare. A flash of fear went through him and he tried so hard to suppress it to not show Tom what he did to him.

 

Tom walked closer to him. “I did nothing but what you wanted all night and, quite frankly, I’m sick of your pissy attitude.”

 

Matt didn’t shy away, instead straightened himself out to his full length. He looked straight into Tom eyes and really tried to keep his voice steady. “You think you did everything I wanted? How about when you tried to fuck me in my mom’s house when I already told you no?” Tom stopped and a wrinkle formed between his brows. “You tried to have sex with me without my consent, or have you forgotten about that already?”

 

“What the hell?” Tom sneered, but didn’t advance further. “Of course I have consent, we’re dating for fuck sake.”

 

Matt felt so emotionally drained. Tom didn’t look as threatening anymore and Matt’s anger shifted to a feeling of being tired to the bone. He just wanted Tom to understand such a simple thing as consent, to not have to fight him on every obvious thing.

 

“If I can’t consent, like for instance if we’re at my mom’s and I can’t tell you no without her hearing what’s going on, then you don’t have consent.” He tried to explain as calmly and clearly as he could. He felt tears filling his eyes from frustration as Tom didn’t seem to understand. “If I can’t say _yes, I want to be with you_ then you don’t have consent.”

 

He felt his body collapse against the counter and tears stream down his cheeks, he was so fucking tired of Tom’s moods and _righteousness_. He was exhausted from every little argument, from every fight that ended with him having less and less to say. He was exhausted from being the only one thinking about _his_ feelings in this relationship. He just wanted to sleep for a fucking year.

 

Tom closed the last of the distance between them and hugged Matt tight. Before his face was pressed to Tom’s shoulder he saw the worry in Tom’s face. A hand took hold behind his neck, pressing him impossibly close, and the other stroked soothingly down his back. He could feel Tom’s worry for him, but Matt didn’t want to be comforted. He wanted to be allowed to be angry, just this once.

 

“Shh baby.” Tom murmured against his ear. “I’m sorry Matt, is this okay? I’m sorry for calling you a bitch, I’m sorry for being so forward at your mom’s, I’m so sorry for making you cry.” Matt couldn’t keep being angry, Tom hadn’t meant all those things. “Don’t cry, I just want to see your happy face. Show me a smile. I just wanted to show you how much I love you, how important you are to me, I didn’t mean you no harm. Come on, smile for me pretty baby.”

 

Tom’s cooing voice made the last of Matt’s resistance slip away, he was just too exhausted to feel anything. He relaxed into Tom’s embrace and let him soothe him. After his breathing calmed down, Tom bent down to pick him up and carried him to bed where he could finally sleep away this horrible night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go. Or, an epilogue I guess?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And to just be sure, the trigger warning from the first chapter is relevant in this chapter as well.
> 
> Also, I’m not sure this will be an official continuation on this series or an alternate ending since this one requires an escalation after this part. It wouldn’t make sense if everything went back to being lovey dovey and sweet as honey after this part. But I liked how it turned out and wanted to publish it. And it also wouldn’t make sense to not publish this outside of this series…
> 
> I’ll let you know what I decide when I decide it.

Tom lay in bed, watching Matt sleep next to him. Matt was sprawled out on his stomach, just in a pair of briefs and face turned away – buried deep into the pillow. The sight of his precious boyfriend had Tom’s heart soar. He had hurt him yet again, somehow he had managed to make Matt cry again. His strong, beautiful boyfriend had broken down crying and it was all Tom’s fault.

He was sad. Sad that he had made Matt cry again, sad that he had managed to misunderstand Matt again. That he had made Matt feel small and hurt. That he had managed to make Matt frightened of him again. He had seen the fear, the absolute horror, in Matt’s eyes as he got mad and maybe Matt had feared for his own safety in that moment. The sadness filling him was too painful.

And he was angry at himself for losing control and breaking Matt’s heart. For hurting the one good thing in his life. He was the bad seed in this relationship and he hated himself for how that affected Matt. And he was angry at his parents, his whole family, his childhood teachers and the fucking priest in their little congregation – at them all for turning him into the person he was today.

All those feelings, the fight, the whole fucking night was wearing him thin. Draining him and exhausted him. He wanted to leave the apartment and hide, but the thought of leaving Matt to wake up on his own was too heartbreaking. He couldn’t leave and he felt trapped. He couldn’t cause more damage to Matt’s already bruised heart.

He leaned in close – letting himself feel the warmth of Matt’s skin against his own, smelling Matt’s shampoo, feeling his body press back against Tom’s. His heart filled with an unbearable love for the younger man and he wrapped his arms around Matt’s torso, pulled him in closer and just let himself be lost in the other man.

He kissed Matt’s neck, a spark spread through him and he couldn’t help himself. He let his own wants take over and started kissing down Matt’s back. Intent to make Matt understand just how much he loved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might add something here later...


End file.
